Depression is a Motherf….

Although many people in the world deal with it in one form of another throughout the majority of their lives, I believe there aren’t enough conversations happening around the topic of depression. People who may not be affected by it try to avoid the topic because they try to keep “positive vibes” and don’t want to be “pulled down” into it. Those who do deal with it avoid the topic because they are in denial that they are facing it, they’re ashamed that they’re dealing with it, or are afraid of the backlash that comes as a result of bringing it up. You know, those people who say that they should quit bitching about their problems and should start trying to solve them. There are also people who compare those with depression to others who have it much worse and say “be grateful for what you have”. If only it was so easy.

The fact is it isn’t that simple. If it was then depression wouldn’t be the major problem in society that it is. Depression has held so many back from reaching their full potential and it’s affected many different people that range from being poor and homeless to the wealthy and most popular. It has no bias. It wasn’t that long ago that we found out the late Robin Williams dealt with depression his whole life and it ultimately led to him ending it himself. Although that news was shocking when it happened because of who he was, it is far from the being the only time it’s ever happened.

Whether it’s in my professional work or my personal life, I’ve seen and know many people who are affected by depression. As a matter of fact, I’ll admit it here and now that I deal with it. I’ve dealt with depression since early childhood and still do now. I’ve never been suicidal and never took medication for it but it has affected me both personally and professionally for as long as I can remember. It sucks and the worst place you can be when you’re dealing with it is stuck inside your own head. That is the one place you can’t get stuck because if you do, the spiral just continues downward and the chances of pulling out of it get slimmer and slimmer.

In future blog posts I will share more about this topic as it relates to my own life because that is the best example I know that I can share which is true. I will also talk about how I struggled with it and how I have been able to eventually pull myself out of it and move forward. My goals from doing this are to increase conversations about depression and find ways to help others overcome and seek the happiness that they have deeply missed from their lives. What you could find is that there is no simple “fix” for depression. It isn’t a switch that can be turned on and off. It’s something that you have to work on over the long term in order to find that happiness you seek and go on to achieve success that you should feel like you deserve but might not feel worthy of having.

 

Why Employers Should Hire Survivors

Survivors of abuse have a long road to travel to work their way up to living a life that makes them happy. The thought of this can be so intimidating that in some cases, victims never start. The fear of not making it and the repercussions of facing the wrath from their abusers can be paralyzing. Those that do dare get out of their situations and look for what they consider a better life have to face many hurdles as they move forward on their journeys. One of the first is to get a job. Many of them have been forced to remain out of the labor force because they were isolated by their abusers. In the case of younger people like abused teenagers, they never had an opportunity to work anywhere. So this can be unfamiliar territory.

Unfortunately potential employers can be reluctant to hire someone that they have heard or know left an abusive situation. What if the abuser comes looking for them and brings drama to their workplace? What if they don’t learn well? What if the person up and quits for some reason because he or she isn’t dependable? These questions and others might race through the mind of managers and leaders of companies. If you’re someone in a position to hire people and a survivor of abuse shows up to get an application or an interview, HIRE THEM! Hire them at that very moment. It could very well be among the best decisions you make in your position. Here’s why.

1. If the person in question has been a victim of abuse and left that situation to pursue a new life, then that survivor has shown incredible fortitude and is determined to succeed. As I explained before, many victims don’t make it to the point that they leave. So that fortitude and determination are two qualities that any good manager should look for in an employee.
2. Your potential employee will do what it takes. There are many adversities that survivors faced – lack of funds, limited resources to leave, fear of what might happen, not knowing what to do or how to do it, and others depending on the situation. To get to the point that they are in your office seeking a job proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have already done what was necessary to succeed. Whether it’s reaching a sales goal or washing dishes, the ends will justify the means so they will do it to show that they can help your company and that they can make it on their own.
3. They will prove themselves. In some cases, survivors feel like that they only have one chance to make it. If this doesn’t work out for them then there could be consequences that include having to return to the abuser because they failed. They are coming to you needing a chance. If you decide to give them a chance, they WILL make sure to prove that you made the right choice and that will mean productivity and results.
4. PR points could be big here. You never know where the next big success story can come from. When the advocates I worked with as a kid decided to commit time to me, they had no idea whether I would be successful or repeat the cycles I learned earlier in my childhood. So for me to not repeat the cycles, go on to work for that group, and do everything else I have done to help the causes made them look really good. They didn’t do it for that reason but it worked out that way. I ended up being a success story and testimonial for their organization. If you hire a survivor, then that person goes on to management or goes on to do incredible things for the community, that will make you look better because you were THE ONE PERSON that gave that survivor a chance.

I think these reasons alone are enough to validate that survivors could potentially be the best new hires you make. Of course you shouldn’t seek them out and ask interviewees about abuse like it’s a qualification but if an advocacy group, job force agency, or the survivor shares that story, seriously consider giving that person a chance. You’ll be contributing to their success as well as to the success of your business.

Appreciation: Why It Means So Much to Survivors

I have worked with survivors of different forms of abuse off and on since I was a teenager talking to other kids who grew up in troubled homes. In total that is around 20 years and working with literally thousands of people. So obviously I’ve been able to learn and pick up on certain traits that many of these folks have developed. I can travel from city to city and in different states and more times than not I can pick out people in crowds or at events I spoke at in different places that have been or currently are in situations they would rather not be in. It’s not in stereotypical ways either like how they are dressed, their hygiene, or visible markings like bruises or bandages. These are signs as well but there is one sign that I picked up that might surprise many of you reading this.

It’s how they say “thank you.”

It’s one thing to simply say thanks and walk away from a counter at a store. It’s another to look that person in the eye and say “thank you very much. I really appreciate it.” Don’t get me wrong. Just because someone expresses himself of herself that way isn’t a guarantee that they have dealt with abuse. No sign is a 100% lock. But I found that more often than not that the way they show their appreciation for others – even for the smallest of deeds can be an indicator that they are or was a victim of abuse. Here’s why.

Victims of abuse know all too well what it’s like not to be appreciated. They know the feeling of going the extra mile and it not being recognized by the ones they love that also likely abuse them. You don’t feel like you have any value or worth when the people that are supposed to care about you the most appear to not care at all, take you for granted and feel the need to hurt you either emotionally or physically. This is a very depressing feeling that can affect your long term self-confidence and lead to further mental health issues. So when someone does something considerate or nice for survivors, there is a genuine and serious feeling of deep appreciation for that act. That is something that folks who grew up in troubled homes never take for granted. It can literally change the course of his or her day. Since survivors of abuse know the feeling of being ignored and unappreciated all too well, it’s a feeling they also never, ever want to be responsible for making someone else feel. That is why they will go beyond a simple “thanks” and say something to the effect of “I greatly appreciate you helping me. Thank you.” Obviously different people show it or say it in different ways but the theme is the same. A simple one word phrase doesn’t properly express the feeling of gratitude.

One example I can share is when a new article came out for one of the sites I write for. This was years ago. They tagged me on the post on Facebook which led to me getting more likes on my own page. They didn’t have to tag me at all and I understood that. So I wrote a three line message of thanks on the comments showing that it really meant a lot to me that they recognized me on their Facebook page. I got messages from several different people after that. Some said simply “thanks for writing that article” which meant a lot to me of course. However, others went beyond that and wrote how it helped them and what they wanted to do beyond the progress they always made. Many more times than not after going back and forth with them, they would tell me they experience what we now know as childhood domestic violence or child sexual abuse. They knew the feeling of being taken for granted and didn’t want me to feel that way just like I was all too familiar with the feeling of being unappreciated and taken for granted by people I went the extra mile for. This, of course, meant a lot to me and I wanted them to know that as well.

If you don’t believe me then see for yourself. Next time you’re out and about in public, especially a place where you might see people who are likely victims like at a hospital, doctor’s office, with advocates, or in a church, listen to how they express themselves. You will likely notice that the people who are there for help say a lot more to show gratification than those that are not.

I greatly appreciate and thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this. If you feel it’s worth sharing with your friends, that means a lot to me as well. I hope you know that.

Self-Blame: Why It Can Be Traced Back to Childhood

How many of us have ever went through a negative situation or been through some type of drama and immediately started blaming ourselves for it? Although there may be two or even several people involved, you take the entire blame of the situation and rationalize it to be your fault. In some cases it might be accurate but I bet someone who isn’t involved would objectively analyze the situation in question and conclude that the blame should at the least be shared and at the most you had no control over it to begin with.

As you will see in this blog and future posts, the only examples I can use which I know to be true are my own experiences and yes I am about to share one here. As a fitness writer I am always looking for opportunities to contribute and play a positive role. This is a great job I have and I am enthusiastic about what I do. So it can be bothersome when I make several pitches to an editor I have worked with for several years and not hear anything back. No, I don’t mean I hear back with a decline. I literally get no reply at all. This is something I have dealt with for months.There is no other way to describe it than to say my messages are being ignored. Here is how my brain interprets this as being my fault and how it can spin from a small issue to something that can be depressing.

The problem: My requests, pitches, and messages are being ignored by my editor who I have worked with for a long time.

Evidence: Other articles are being published and other writers are getting opportunities so he’s still involved and contacting other writers. I am getting no replies on any ideas I am sending him and he’s not even replying back telling me that he has nothing available.

Conclusion from that evidence: I am being ignored and he’s not interested in working with me.

Final Answer: I must have done something to upset him, I suck as a writer, and I am now a failure in this industry. I failed my editor, company, and people that support that company.

Yes, that was and I will admit at times still is my belief. There are times that the thought that I am a total failure and continue to beat myself up mentally repeatedly because my editor won’t even reply to me while other contributors are getting several opportunities will run through my mind and it can leave me feeling trapped in a vicious negative cycle.

After taking some time to do my best thinking about it objectively, I think this goes back to my childhood and growing up in a home with alcoholism and domestic violence. I always thought I was the reason my parents were fighting. I should help more with the younger kids, fight less with my older siblings, and done more so they wouldn’t be upset. I also am apparently not that entertaining of a kid because my father would rather go to a bar and hang out with friends. My mom spent weekends out with friends instead of at home with us. What did I do wrong? When it came to kids or girls at school, I would think I was a horrible person because no one wanted to date me or hang out with me. Other kids bullied me and got their entertainment from my misery. How big of a loser am I?

In almost all aspects of my childhood, I would do this so as my brain developed, it would gather facts to back up my beliefs and validate them. So naturally it would do the same in adulthood. I think that anyone who grew up around abuse or drug issues would come to that same conclusion if they went into deep thought and committed to try working to overcome this mindset. After learning more about childhood domestic violence, how the brain works, and that pros and cons should be considered, I now know that if I want to draw an accurate conclusion then I need to look at the evidence on the other side of the argument.

The Question: Do I now suck as a writer and should I just get out of the fitness industry?

Evidence Why I Should: Explained above.

Evidence to the Contrary: Other groups are working with me and showing appreciation for my efforts. Companies have reached out to me for future contributions. I am still getting positive feedback from readers and followers. My past work for that one company with the non-replying editor is still getting positive reviews. Other people in that same company still support me.

My conclusion now. Although I should still continue to work to improve, one editor not getting back to me for his own reasons is not a sign that I should give up my entire career. I should still move forward and try to make a difference with the people that do wish to continue working with me. This is how I make my living and there are still bills to be paid. Beating myself up over one person is not going to help me maintain a household and support my family whose opinions of me truly matter.

This more objective analysis helped me realize that at the end of the day it is that editor who made the decision not to maintain contact with me or give me opportunities. Regardless of how special or important that company is, there are other great important companies that are giving me opportunities to move forward and to be fair to them I should give them as much commitment as I can. They wouldn’t want to work with me if I wasn’t doing something right.

This is only one of my experiences. I know many people out there that have dealt with similar situations that resulted in a lot of self-blame when honestly they had no valid reason to do so. It wasn’t their fault and if you find yourself doing it, you are not alone and you can work to create a more positive state of mind for yourself. So if you are someone who make it a habit to blame yourself for everything and then search for evidence to make that opinion a fact, take a deep breath and then consider the evidence against that theory. It might have a stronger case and you will relieve yourself from self-blame and mental abuse which can do much more damage than whatever situation you’re currently dealing with.

 

 

About Me: Advocacy

In my last blog post, I introduced myself and my role in the fitness industry to those of you that may not be familiar with me. There is another big part of my life that I am passionate about and have worked to make a difference and that is in advocacy for victims of domestic violence & child abuse.

From my days locally with Family Refuge Center & Child & Youth Advocacy Center to my work statewide with the WV Child Advocacy Network & WV Coalition Against DV to now with Childhood Domestic Violence Association, it’s been a privilege and great honor for me to be able to take a negative that affected me in many ways and turn it into a positive that has affected others. Although it hasn’t been acknowledged in any way, I am the first man in WV to serve a DV program as a speaking victim survivor, staff member, and Board Member. So far I am still the only man to have been in all three roles. In a field where there has been a call for men to take action, this is something I am proud of. My story was a part of a NY Times Best Seller called “Invincible: The Ten Lies You Learn Growing Up with Domestic Violence & the Truths to Set You Free” by my friend Brian F. Martin and has been shared in the Huffington Post, Deseret News, and on NBCNews.com. Like my work in the fitness industry, it’s believed by many experts in the field that my story and work has reached and helped over a million people in some way.

The links below include articles and video about how my childhood was affected by domestic violence and how I went on to become a public speaker on the issues and directly worked with local, state, and national agencies to make a positive difference for others affected.

I hope that my first three posts give you a better idea about me, my past, and what I do. My blogs from here on out will cover different topics that involve both bodybuilding/fitness and the issues surrounding Childhood Domestic Violence, (CDV), domestic violence (DV), and child abuse (CA).

http://cdv.org/meet-roger/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brian-f-martin/can-adversity-in-childhoo_b_8031246.html

http://national.deseretnews.com/article/18848/witnessing-domestic-violence-can-have-a-lasting-impact-on-children-even-if-they-arent-abused.html

About Me: Fitness

For those of you who don’t know about me, I’ve been passionate about bodybuilding and fitness since I first seriously committed to training in 1999. Today I’m a writer that has been published by several different websites and magazines including Bodybuilding.com, Muscle & Fitness, Flex Magazine, Muscle & Strength, Iron Man Magazine, Digital Muscle, Muscle Media Online, STACK Media, and others. I also am an Ambassador for Harbinger Fitness. My work has been referenced, shared, and discussed on major mainstream outlets like Yahoo, Bleacher Report, and BBC Worldwide Radio. I have covered several major events in the fitness industry like the Arnold Classic, Mr. Olympia, and CrossFit Games. I have also been able to do interviews and features on three Mr. Olympia champions – Lee Haney, Ronnie Coleman, and Phil Heath.

I have been recognized for my writing by being named Male Writer of the Year by Bodybuilding.com and as a “Top Expert” by STACK Media 10 times. Instead of sharing my entire story which has been published before, I’ll share a few links to my work for you to check out at your own convenience.

http://www.bodybuilding.com/author/roger-lockridge

http://www.stack.com/expert/roger-lockridge/

https://www.muscleandstrength.com/authors/roger-lockridge

http://digitalmuscle.com/authors/roger-lockridge/

I plan on writing posts in the future on how I feel fitness can help people that have been affected by abuse overcome the issues that they have to live with in a positive way without hurting others. This is something I know about firsthand as a survivor of childhood domestic violence which I will share more about in my next post. I will also cover how I have worked in the domestic violence and child advocacy fields over the last couple of decades.

Top 50 Best Sellers on Bodybuilding.com! Need help choosing supplements to help you reach your goals? This list can help you!

My New Blog

My name is Roger Lockridge. Some of you out there might know me as Roger “Rock” Lockridge. No, the nickname has nothing to do with Dwayne Johnson. There is a small chance that you might know me as a fitness writer. If not then you might have heard or seen my name in domestic violence and child abuse awareness circles as a survivor of childhood domestic violence and advocate/speaker. Let’s be honest though. You probably have never heard of me and that’s okay.

This blog is going to be about me, my life, and my journey that has gotten me to this point. Some would say I’m successful, some would say I’m a failure, and I’m still trying to figure it out myself. Here is what I would like to tell you about myself. I’m a fitness transformation success story, accomplished fitness writer, and a voice that serves as an advocate for survivors of domestic violence, child abuse, and childhood domestic violence. This is what I should also tell you about myself. I grew up with two parents that did their best but was in a home of domestic violence and alcoholism, went through my entire childhood affected by bullying, and have dealt with depression throughout life. I should probably be in therapy and on some type of medication but I haven’t gotten to that point yet and I don’t plan to. I will cover all of those perspectives in future posts.

My blog will cover all aspects of my life from my work in the fitness industry to projects I hope to work on with domestic violence (DV) groups, and the thoughts that go through my head as I move forward. This is your advanced warning. There will be points where this is going to get real. Although I will do my best to keep things positive this blog will be straight to the point, honest, and occasionally could point out some pretty deep stuff. It won’t be pretty. Overall, my goals of this blog are to help people that also may be affected by childhood domestic violence (CDV), depression, child abuse, bullying, family alcoholism, and people who might use fitness as a way to work through these issues. You might have different feelings and wonder if you’re weird or if something’s wrong with you. I’m here to let you know you’re not alone. Although I just celebrated  my 35^th birthday I still deal with issues that I now know can be traced back to when my age was in single digits. If this blog is to serve its purpose then I have to express my thoughts in an unedited and uncensored fashion. No one else will have any say on what goes on this blog. Feedback is welcome but at the end of the day, any decisions as to what to write and share are made by me and me alone.

There will be no set schedule for this blog. When I feel like sharing something, I’ll write a post and blast it out. I will post links to my blogs on social pages. I have Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Google Plus if you’re interested. Feel free to bookmark this blog so you can keep up if you like. In my next post I will write more about my life as it pertains to fitness and my role in the bodybuilding/fitness industry. Thanks for reading.

Get a $5 Discount on Purchases Of $100 or More at Bodybuilding.com! Use Code 5OFF100 Now and Save!